I needed help. I craved guidance. I needed someone to tell me what to do. Because for the first time in my life I felt what it was like to have a body. For so long I lived in my head, being in my body was so unfamiliar. I often experienced jealousy, neediness and control of my boyfriends. I hated being by myself. I needed mens attention. I drank too much.
I didn’t think I was unhappy. In fact, I don’t regret this time in my life and wouldn’t change it. I sometimes say it was the best of times and the worst. I was travelling Europe and living in Scotland. I left Australia to go “find out who I was”, without family and friends who knew me. To be able to be who I wanted to be without anyone saying “that’s not who you are Erin”. To explore myself. To let loose. And boy, did I let loose.
During those years I became obsessed with the idea of my ex boyfriend being in my life, who didn’t want me. For three years, I ruminated and imagined being with him and how we could have what we used to have. For three years. I didn’t realise what this was doing to my insides that it started to show on the outside. I developed rosacea and had terrible problems with digestion. I obsessed over an idea that I needed love from somebody else because I never knew I could give it to myself.
The very first time I experienced giving myself love was on a 7-day retreat in Italy, “Amar Si” (To Love Ourselves) where Caterina guided us to massage ourselves. Our legs, torso, shoulders, face. I cracked and tears rolled down my face. I tried to hide them. I guess I didn’t know what had just happened. Days later on retreat, I cracked again, and this time uncontrollable sobbing that didn’t stop. The final piece that saw me change the way I lived my life.
I returned back home to Australia and went to see my very good friend, mentor and teacher. At the time, she was ‘just’ the grandmother of my very first boyfriend. But I felt very drawn to go see her. She started me on the journey with Aura-Soma® when she bought me into her healing room and I chose colours that spoke to me at that time. I left with an Equilibrium bottle to rub on my body and the quintessence, Lady Nada. My consultation was themed around Self Acceptance and Unconditional Love. Knowing a little bit of my story so far – it’s quite relevant isn’t it?
From this point I started on a self care journey, not only using Aura-Soma® but also using Meditation and Yoga. Self development tools that help me stay connected to my inner guide. My wisdom. My knowing.
I still experience curve balls that test how well I listen to myself. At times I feel stuck, lost, or out of my depth. At times I feel hurt, judged, or doubt my ability. But deep down I know that I have the answer that guides me back to myself. The way back to my essence. My peace. Magnificent!
And so with this experience and using these tools on a daily basis, I know how important it is to never tell anyone the answer to their experience. Because in reality, I do not know, only they do. I pledge to only help people develop their skill in listening to their wisdom, their knowing, themselves, with more clarity and ease.
As you know, the more you look outside of yourself the more lost you can feel. And really who wants to be told what to do?!
If it is that you are experiencing feelings of uncertainty (about anything; relationships, your career, your worth), I invite you to come and choose the colours that speak to you the most. And together lets find out what that means for you. What answers will you receive from these colours? Find out more here.
– Erin Docherty hosts Full Moon and New Moon Rituals every month in Byron Bay, she teaches Yoga, Meditation and positive ways to think and see. Her Retreats, Workshops and Private Sessions are truely a soulful experience, with a lot of magic in between. Stay in touch with her on Instagram @lightwitch_ / on Facebook @ErinDochertylightwitch / via her website http://www.lightwitch.com.au