The dark times: where you spiral downward and you can’t seem to pick yourself up, even though you know you can be a better person. Yeah, that happens. In my recent case of ‘The spiral into darkness’ it has actually been my best gift.
For the last few weeks (or maybe it’s been months!) I’ve been quite flat. Mostly to do with how I think I am seen in the world (‘I think’ is important here as it is the cause of suffering, Eckhart Tolle will tell you). Anyway, I wasn’t feeling genuine when I would post something on social media, thinking “surely people don’t want to hear or see this”. I was keeping myself small when teaching, thinking “do they really want to listen to my ramblings”.
This came in waves and it built momentum as I continued to compare myself to others. I thought I needed to be doing what they were doing in order to be seen, heard, acknowledged.
The world of social media became my focus and this is where the spiral of darkness became very deep. I became very lost, I didn’t know what was my mine anymore. The path I was skipping down became blocked by trees, shrubs and all kinds of fancy images. No amount of support or kind words I received would pick me up, although I was grateful for it. I needed to find the wisdom, the knowing, for myself.
Thank goodness for the Universe and it’s plan for us because I eventually got sick. On my most favourite day of the year – Christmas Day and the following day my partner left for a holiday. So there I was house bound, sitting with my Self and I. I got what I had asked for really, time to figure it out by myself. And over those next few days I realised how reliant I had become on complaining to my partner. I had no-one immediately to talk to about all my ‘shitty thoughts’ and how tough it was (insert the violins!).
This forced me into reflection and contemplation. What was it that I was ready to change, ready to let go of. I knew one thing for sure and it was time to quit indulging in these thought forms. I took Facebook off my phone to help. I felt ready to do this. The feeling that I had was so strong. I was feeling strong now to peel myself away from the distractions.
“Stars can’t shine without darkness”
Out of this darkness I saw what was keeping me there: Comparison. I could see quite clearly how this was damaging, even disrespecting my spirit so when I turned around to see the light, I knew that I had to trust myself. Trust the star at the centre of my being, where all wisdom resides and can be heard, shared and felt.
I saw my message very clearly, who I am for and why I share what I do. I understand that I am not for everyone and my message is there for those who need it. Those who don’t, will find another teacher.
I feel the sphere of perfect protection surrounded me again and the sensitivity of what I felt before has left. I see the positive again, and if the negative is there (which I’m sure it is), I don’t see or feel it. Those who judge can judge, but I don’t see or feel it. I refuse to indulge in it. I cut the cord of negative thought forms from myself and others. I feel a strength to concentrate on what I do want and the loving people I surround myself with. I will not let fear get in the way when I say ‘No’ or change things. I let go of Miss Goody Two Shoes. I now step up and live in my truth, the power of ME!
I focus my attention on genuine and real connections with people. I vow to see more people in the real, not behind a screen. Connect, Collaborate and Share. Get out in to the world and experience it. That’s where I shine, that’s what I love to do and where I feel most alive.
From the darkness, I found my light once again. It is in the ebb and flow of life that keep us real, that help us grow. As you accept the Dark/Yin as much as the Light/Yang you will find more flow. May we grow with grace and Love.
Happy New Year x e
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